One of the great things about traveling the world is, of course, experiencing different cultures. Now, I say that without ever having given a great deal of thought to what the word “culture” really means. I just think of it to mean that people who live in a certain place tend to have similar ideas on spirituality, values, beliefs etc. The dictionary definition that best fits the word culture in this context is this:

the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc.

Looking at culture and trying to define it for myself brings up some interesting thoughts. First, I truly believe that individuals can be defined more clearly through their culture than they can through their race. This is significant for me because lately I have found myself rejecting the label “Caucasian” when referring to my own race, as I have no knowledge of any ancestry from the Caucuses. The other popular choice seems to be “White”, but that conjures immediate images, not of race, but of the culture of suburban America.

Image: who needs variety?
lars hammar

A few days ago, I started what will be a few weeks of airports/airplanes and hotels/chain restaurants en route to Taiwan. My current leg of this journey has me visiting the mainland U.S.A. to say goodbyes to loved ones and close friends. So, right now, I’m in the suburbs of Salt Lake City, UT and I’m realizing that the more time I spend away from this type of setting, the more I loathe being around it. It seems that the culture of suburbia is to consume. The preferred method of self expression is to show off what you have purchased. Secondary to this, it seems that producing large numbers of offspring and getting them involved in as many things possible, i.e. soccer, dancing, hockey, this team, that team is some sort of pinnacle of success in this culture. Making up for one’s own empty existence by trying to live vicariously through your children? Is that what this behavior is all about? There appears to be, perhaps three different hairstyles amongst the women in suburbia, and the only acceptable choice for the menfolk seems to be a short-cropped haircut and goatee (yes, this is STILL popular?). Caked-on make-up seems to be very definitive, and don’t even get me started on the [complete lack of] fashion exhibited in suburbia. It is the cult of the soccer mom. This is a culture demands its followers become wage-slaves. An existence that I am happy to be free from and have no desire to return to. It would appear that I am in the minority in rejecting this type of lifestyle, so I suppose I probably have it wrong, but in the end, I can say that I have truly found happiness in rejecting the pursuit of consumable goods and placing freedom at the very top of my list of personal values.

This brings me back to the question of race/culture. I guess I still don’t know what groups I belong to, but I damn sure know which ones I want no part of.

With mere weeks to go on my current contract position in Antarctica, my future plans are still pretty much in limbo. I’m really ready for some time off and travel. The thought of coming back to the states doesn’t hold too much appeal. The political kvetching, the dismal economy – I can stomach these things but knowing that I’ll have to eventually face the hideous reality of things that just don’t work and end up sucking huge chunks of time – that’s what I dread the most.

As I was trying to get more in touch with why I feel this way, I was reminded of the story of the Red Box. If you’re in the U.S. you’ve likely seen, or even used one of these at the supermarket or fast food establishment. It’s called “Red Box” and it’s a little automated video rental kiosk. The concept is really pretty neat – you swipe a credit card, rent a new release movie for…I dunno, I think $1/day. You can return the DVD to any Red Box anywhere! Yep, seems pretty neat. And cheap! So, the last time I was back in the U.S. I rented a movie from one of these things. All went well with the rental but when I tried to return it, the machine was on the fritz….stuck in some sort of infinite computer loop or something. I was actually standing in line behind another person for quite some time. I just figured the guy was a luddite and couldn’t figure out the overly complex task of inserting an object in a slot, but alas, it wasn’t him, it was the stupid machine – just sitting there, not doing anything. He finally gave up and when I stepped up to the machine it was displaying some sort of error message. I found the manager of the fast food establishment and asked for help. My rudimentary Espanol skills tell me that he was trying to inform me that it wasn’t his problem – the machine didn’t belong to the restaurant and that in order for my problem to be resolved I would be required to speak to some cretin in Bangladesh or Tallahassee. I called, I was put through a series of voice prompts that resulted in yet another infinite loop. No matter what I said I was always met with a response of “oh, so you’d like to become a member” or “did you say you’d like to make a payment?”. Yes, seriously. This went on for what seemed like forever. Finally, through some sort of incomprehensible electronic sorcery, my call was routed to a never-ending queue to speak with a real live human being. The music that was looped in between assurances that my call “is very important” caused my ears such pain that I prayed that Lawrence Welk’s orchestra would appear and those goofy tap dancers from his show would ram the heels of their stupid little tap shoes so deep into my ears that I would be relieved of hearing such atrocities for eternity. No such luck, only more nerve-racking music that Satan himself must have orchestrated in a bid to drive normal people into homicidal rages.

After being on hold for something like 6,546 days, I was finally connected to a real human who, surprisingly, happened to be extraordinarily congenial and was able to tell me that their systems had crashed or something and that I would have to wait to return my DVD and that the system would automagically know that I wasn’t able to return it on time and, furthermore, I wouldn’t be charged for the “extra” day. I was quite relieved by this news but at the same time my level of annoyance had gotten really out of hand. Even if I figured that my time was worth minimum wage, I could have just purchased the DVD and been better off economically than to have spent the time I spent trying to turn the stupid thing back in…and that’s only counting the time at the kiosk and on the phone and no time driving back and forth from the stupid thing.

Now, to most people dealing with this type of thing on a daily basis an experience like this surely seems quotidian but to me who has become accustomed to problem resolution being done in a very personal manner and quite timely…well, this experience became another huge frustration and an unbearable vexation and representative of everything I seem to come to Antarctica to avoid. Seriously, my biggest frustration here is when the coffee runs out and as amped up as I get about things like that, the resolution is so completely simple and easily managed that I feel fortunate to not have to deal with impersonal solutions to problems.

Enjoy your Red Box DVD kiosk, your ATMs, your self-checkout, drive-through banking and dining where something ALWAYS goes amiss. Bask in the glory of 64 channels of shit – several of which seem to have some screaming jack ass purporting to be reporting the news. Enjoy all of those modern “conveniences”. I think I’m going to go to some unknown beach that barely has electricity and where “agua caliente” as an amenity isn’t something you can take for granted and is a selling point at some (but not all) lodging. I’m going to the beach to live the “sandal life”.

My friend Ken told me I remind him of the character in “Lord of War” played by Nicolas Cage and allegedly inspired by the real life Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout who was recently arrested in Thailand. Having been mildly interested in the story of this person, and also having some sort of unexplained fascination with prison life, hearing this story sparked some sort of interest in reading prison stories…specifically stories from Thai prisons. My search led me to a book which I will have to add to my “must read” list titled “The Damage Done” about an Aussie heroin dealer who got caught in Thailand and spent 12 years in prison there. It also took me to a Thai prison blog, where I read one person’s account of what is allegedly the worst prison system on earth. I chortled heartily when I read what seemed like a complaint about the shower:

“The water is turned on for 2.5 minutes for you to wet your entire body. Then it is turned off while you then soap yourself quickly. Then the water is turned back on for another 2.5 minutes for you to wash off the soap. You have to be quick because you don’t get a second chance.”

And from what I gather, this is part of the daily routine. I just can’t muster up any sympathy for him. Antarctica contains 70% of the earth’s freshwater and 90% of the earth’s ice. The B-15 iceberg alone, which made news in 2005, contains more than 1000 trillion gallons of water. That is an amount completely unfathomable to me, but by the estimation of leading glaciologists familiar with B-15, that is enough water to cover all of the land on earth with .5 inches of water – or 5 inches of water on all of the agricultural land on earth. And B-15 is but a sliver of the total mass of ice on the continent. Here at the South Pole, the ice is two miles thick and goes on for as far as the eye can see in all directions. The point I’m driving at here is that there’s a hell of a lot of water in this “desert”. Unfortunately, that water is locked in ice, and it takes heat to get it. It costs a great deal of money to generate the heat required to melt ice. Therefore, every person on station is limited to two two-minute showers per week. Believe me when I say that a two minute shower is very much less than satisfying.

My heart bleeds for you Mr. Thai Prisoner.

So…went ahead and did my taxes today…knowing that I have a refund coming, I can’t believe I procrastinated this long. I did need to put forth some effort to gather some of the required documents, but it turned out being much easier than I had thought. Anyhow, my refund is now on the way, but I digress. The real point of this post is to thank the millions of Americans who just had to keep up with the Joneses and buy houses which they didn’t really have the means to pay for. Because of this, there is apparently a “mortgage crisis” in America and the government has decided to introduce an economic stimulus program. What this means is that myself and many other Americans are going to get a $600 check, which we are probably expected to use to buy lead infused crap from wal-mart with to stimulate the economy. It’s kind of a joke, $600 really doesn’t go far but for my part, I’m promptly depositing it in a savings account in New Zealand (paying in excess of 10%), and with the interest earned on that $600 by the time I get off this godforsaken hunk of ice it will have accrued enough interest that I can use that interest to purchase a cigar* which was rolled on the thighs of a 15 year old Cuban virgin. My fiscally irresponsible contemporaries will probably already have thrown away the broken piece of whatever they bought with their check by that time. While I do appreciate the check, that’s not really what the “thank you” is for. The thank you is for the extension in unemployment insurance. Seems because you can’t pay your mortgage, my unemployment insurance benefits can be extended for 26 weeks BEYOND when they would normally run out. I will be taking advantage of this. Takes me back to my trip a few years ago….living on the beach in a demi-mansion with two housekeepers, a gardner a poolboy and a cook..all the while, collecting unemployment (hey, nobody wants to hire someone who’s just going to quit on them in a few weeks to go back to Antarctica)…ah the good life. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

Will work for ski pass!

*I don’t really get what the big deal is about Cuban cigars, but I can get ‘em(well, not today but..) and you can’t so neener neener

So…an update on where I am, what I’ve been doing and where I’m going.

There hasn’t been much activity on here since September; partly because I’ve been extremely busy. Work has been very hectic and I’ve managed to fill my free time up with things other than writing/blogging/surfing. I have weekly Spanish group, sports leagues, a Wednesday night radio show with Marsha (we DJ a show called uncommon ground which revolves around our distaste for each others musical interests), going to travelogues, hosting a travelogue, teaching juggling and practicing juggling. Also, it seems like less of an adventure being here this time. Nothing is new, fresh and exciting so I don’t feel compelled to write about it. That is about to change, however. On Monday, I am scheduled to go to WAIS. WAIS stands for West Antarctic Ice Sheet, it’s a deep field camp and I will be there for two weeks (give or take) filling in for the camp mechanic who is currently gone. Very soon after that I will be off to Pole for the winter (provided I pass the psych eval and don’t bail out at the last minute). I’m actually getting very excited about being there for the winter.

The Russia gig is starting to lose its appeal. The process for getting a security clearance has become arduous and that is compounded by my being in Antarctica. One step of the process is submitting a set of fingerprints and there is no fingerprint ink or law enforcement here and I’m running out of time. If I don’t manage to get it done in the next few weeks, then mail will stop moving until I leave in November. Also, much of the contact information that I have provided in the questionnaire for people who can verify my employment and residence here will have changed so I will have to fill the questionnaire out again. Anyhow, I am starting to think of alternate plans if I don’t get my security clearance done. Taking a year off to chase snow and surf is very high on that list.

I haven’t taken many pictures this year, but if you want to see some good ice pics check out Aeon Jones on Flickr.

That’s about it for now. Maybe I will be inspired by something at WAIS or Pole to write about.