With mere weeks to go on my current contract position in Antarctica, my future plans are still pretty much in limbo. I’m really ready for some time off and travel. The thought of coming back to the states doesn’t hold too much appeal. The political kvetching, the dismal economy – I can stomach these things but knowing that I’ll have to eventually face the hideous reality of things that just don’t work and end up sucking huge chunks of time – that’s what I dread the most.

As I was trying to get more in touch with why I feel this way, I was reminded of the story of the Red Box. If you’re in the U.S. you’ve likely seen, or even used one of these at the supermarket or fast food establishment. It’s called “Red Box” and it’s a little automated video rental kiosk. The concept is really pretty neat – you swipe a credit card, rent a new release movie for…I dunno, I think $1/day. You can return the DVD to any Red Box anywhere! Yep, seems pretty neat. And cheap! So, the last time I was back in the U.S. I rented a movie from one of these things. All went well with the rental but when I tried to return it, the machine was on the fritz….stuck in some sort of infinite computer loop or something. I was actually standing in line behind another person for quite some time. I just figured the guy was a luddite and couldn’t figure out the overly complex task of inserting an object in a slot, but alas, it wasn’t him, it was the stupid machine – just sitting there, not doing anything. He finally gave up and when I stepped up to the machine it was displaying some sort of error message. I found the manager of the fast food establishment and asked for help. My rudimentary Espanol skills tell me that he was trying to inform me that it wasn’t his problem – the machine didn’t belong to the restaurant and that in order for my problem to be resolved I would be required to speak to some cretin in Bangladesh or Tallahassee. I called, I was put through a series of voice prompts that resulted in yet another infinite loop. No matter what I said I was always met with a response of “oh, so you’d like to become a member” or “did you say you’d like to make a payment?”. Yes, seriously. This went on for what seemed like forever. Finally, through some sort of incomprehensible electronic sorcery, my call was routed to a never-ending queue to speak with a real live human being. The music that was looped in between assurances that my call “is very important” caused my ears such pain that I prayed that Lawrence Welk’s orchestra would appear and those goofy tap dancers from his show would ram the heels of their stupid little tap shoes so deep into my ears that I would be relieved of hearing such atrocities for eternity. No such luck, only more nerve-racking music that Satan himself must have orchestrated in a bid to drive normal people into homicidal rages.

After being on hold for something like 6,546 days, I was finally connected to a real human who, surprisingly, happened to be extraordinarily congenial and was able to tell me that their systems had crashed or something and that I would have to wait to return my DVD and that the system would automagically know that I wasn’t able to return it on time and, furthermore, I wouldn’t be charged for the “extra” day. I was quite relieved by this news but at the same time my level of annoyance had gotten really out of hand. Even if I figured that my time was worth minimum wage, I could have just purchased the DVD and been better off economically than to have spent the time I spent trying to turn the stupid thing back in…and that’s only counting the time at the kiosk and on the phone and no time driving back and forth from the stupid thing.

Now, to most people dealing with this type of thing on a daily basis an experience like this surely seems quotidian but to me who has become accustomed to problem resolution being done in a very personal manner and quite timely…well, this experience became another huge frustration and an unbearable vexation and representative of everything I seem to come to Antarctica to avoid. Seriously, my biggest frustration here is when the coffee runs out and as amped up as I get about things like that, the resolution is so completely simple and easily managed that I feel fortunate to not have to deal with impersonal solutions to problems.

Enjoy your Red Box DVD kiosk, your ATMs, your self-checkout, drive-through banking and dining where something ALWAYS goes amiss. Bask in the glory of 64 channels of shit – several of which seem to have some screaming jack ass purporting to be reporting the news. Enjoy all of those modern “conveniences”. I think I’m going to go to some unknown beach that barely has electricity and where “agua caliente” as an amenity isn’t something you can take for granted and is a selling point at some (but not all) lodging. I’m going to the beach to live the “sandal life”.

As I can see the end of this season on the horizon, my thoughts turn to “what’s next?” The last season that I worked on The Ice, I had the next 12 months of my life planned out to the last detail. Planning ahead didn’t work out so well for me. I ended up blowing off at least two plane tickets that I had purchased. One plane ticket that I had, I ended up changing so many times that it ended up costing me nearly twice as much as the original flight and then I was offered, and accepted, the position that I am now in; effectively canceling out any and all of my travel plans, but giving me the financial resources to have one hell of a good time in Hawaii – funny how compressing a one-year budget down to a couple of months can really enhance the fun factor. Nonetheless, as the end of this season nears, I feel obligated to make some sort of a plan for myself and have come dangerously close to purchasing plane tickets.

The Options:

Work some middle-east contract

Judging by the traffic in my email inbox, many defense contracts have been either awarded or have received continuing funding. I can’t recall any time where I have seen such a large number of employment solicitations in my inbox. All of the major players are represented and an even larger number of staffing firms. I have been in contact with a number of people from a number of companies who all want to hire me. Does a lot of good for my self-esteem, but I’ve got a bit of a timing problem, as all of these positions need to be filled immediately – they’re all looking for people who can start right away i.e. have all of their paperwork processed and be in whatever country when the fiscal year begins.

I’ve been curious about working one of these contracts for quite some time and with the superior pay that these positions come with I could easily finance a condo on Waikiki without committing for too much time. Certainly worth considering.

Another Ice Job

It’s safe to assume that there’s a position available for me back on the other side of the continent. There are several upsides to pursuing one of those positions, not the least of which is a company-paid round-trip ticket to New Zealand and more free food and cheap beer. The chance to see what happens next has a very strong appeal and another good reason to consider working in Antarctica for yet another season.

Other Overseas Jobs

There are a plethora of job opportunities for someone with my skill set. I have investigated many job opportunities on small islands throughout the Pacific and Caribbean. The most appealing one that I came across was a Chief Mechanic position on a private resort island in Belize. I was extremely interested in this position, but they were looking for a couple and Marsha wasn’t as thrilled about the job (for her, some hideous accounting job) as I. Meh…

Travel

Taking time off and traveling are the most appealing options. At the end of this contract, I will be given yet another free Antarctic cruise with disembarkation at Punta Arenas, Chile, from there I have a company-paid plane ticket all the way back to Wyoming. This ticket is about as flexible as I need it to be, and with time and money I figure I could see and do a lot in South America. Galapagos, Easter Island, Igauzu Falls, Machu Picchu, Chan Chan, The Amazon – these are all places that have a certain appeal to me and most of them are on my “to-do” list.

Ahhh…the burden of choice

So, what will it be then? Well, because, as Marsha says, “God laughs as we’re making plans”, I really have no plan at this point, I’m totally uncommitted to anything and open to whatever comes my way. The biggest challenge for me is to stave off the temptation to purchase a plane ticket and just allow things to unfold. Stay tuned for…well, something.

So…someone on the ice made a spreadsheet called “the donut of misery”, probably for one of those stupid “fun with excel” classes or something. Lots of people used it, I never paid much attention. This last season, I was shown a cuter version of the same thing called “penguin timer”…it’s really kind of silly too. Anyhow, it provides a countdown of sorts for when one is leaving the ice. I have now surpassed the halfway point…It’s all downhill from here.

My friend Ken told me I remind him of the character in “Lord of War” played by Nicolas Cage and allegedly inspired by the real life Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout who was recently arrested in Thailand. Having been mildly interested in the story of this person, and also having some sort of unexplained fascination with prison life, hearing this story sparked some sort of interest in reading prison stories…specifically stories from Thai prisons. My search led me to a book which I will have to add to my “must read” list titled “The Damage Done” about an Aussie heroin dealer who got caught in Thailand and spent 12 years in prison there. It also took me to a Thai prison blog, where I read one person’s account of what is allegedly the worst prison system on earth. I chortled heartily when I read what seemed like a complaint about the shower:

“The water is turned on for 2.5 minutes for you to wet your entire body. Then it is turned off while you then soap yourself quickly. Then the water is turned back on for another 2.5 minutes for you to wash off the soap. You have to be quick because you don’t get a second chance.”

And from what I gather, this is part of the daily routine. I just can’t muster up any sympathy for him. Antarctica contains 70% of the earth’s freshwater and 90% of the earth’s ice. The B-15 iceberg alone, which made news in 2005, contains more than 1000 trillion gallons of water. That is an amount completely unfathomable to me, but by the estimation of leading glaciologists familiar with B-15, that is enough water to cover all of the land on earth with .5 inches of water – or 5 inches of water on all of the agricultural land on earth. And B-15 is but a sliver of the total mass of ice on the continent. Here at the South Pole, the ice is two miles thick and goes on for as far as the eye can see in all directions. The point I’m driving at here is that there’s a hell of a lot of water in this “desert”. Unfortunately, that water is locked in ice, and it takes heat to get it. It costs a great deal of money to generate the heat required to melt ice. Therefore, every person on station is limited to two two-minute showers per week. Believe me when I say that a two minute shower is very much less than satisfying.

My heart bleeds for you Mr. Thai Prisoner.

So…an update on where I am, what I’ve been doing and where I’m going.

There hasn’t been much activity on here since September; partly because I’ve been extremely busy. Work has been very hectic and I’ve managed to fill my free time up with things other than writing/blogging/surfing. I have weekly Spanish group, sports leagues, a Wednesday night radio show with Marsha (we DJ a show called uncommon ground which revolves around our distaste for each others musical interests), going to travelogues, hosting a travelogue, teaching juggling and practicing juggling. Also, it seems like less of an adventure being here this time. Nothing is new, fresh and exciting so I don’t feel compelled to write about it. That is about to change, however. On Monday, I am scheduled to go to WAIS. WAIS stands for West Antarctic Ice Sheet, it’s a deep field camp and I will be there for two weeks (give or take) filling in for the camp mechanic who is currently gone. Very soon after that I will be off to Pole for the winter (provided I pass the psych eval and don’t bail out at the last minute). I’m actually getting very excited about being there for the winter.

The Russia gig is starting to lose its appeal. The process for getting a security clearance has become arduous and that is compounded by my being in Antarctica. One step of the process is submitting a set of fingerprints and there is no fingerprint ink or law enforcement here and I’m running out of time. If I don’t manage to get it done in the next few weeks, then mail will stop moving until I leave in November. Also, much of the contact information that I have provided in the questionnaire for people who can verify my employment and residence here will have changed so I will have to fill the questionnaire out again. Anyhow, I am starting to think of alternate plans if I don’t get my security clearance done. Taking a year off to chase snow and surf is very high on that list.

I haven’t taken many pictures this year, but if you want to see some good ice pics check out Aeon Jones on Flickr.

That’s about it for now. Maybe I will be inspired by something at WAIS or Pole to write about.